I'm house-sitting on the Blue River for two weeks. From the deck, I hear the river, watch a regal-blue Kingfisher, and observe doe and fawn. Ruby-throated hummers shoot through the landscape like bullets. Crystallized in the sun, their gleam is brighter than any rubied Crown Jewels. I see two mountain ranges, one to the north, one to the south, and hike up a third to the east behind where I sit.
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Nature hurls me to earth.
My bones will lie hidden as bones from bygone millenium.
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I leave for Europe in 10 days for 10 weeks, traveling most of the time alone, I am scared and nervous. I wonder at myself: why I choose to increase anxiety alongside age, why I am going at all, and why I am spending money I shouldn't -- house money from a house sold when the market plummeted alongside the marriage. Not everyone would make the same choices. Somehow, I feel less safe when playing careful; backward thinking has made sense from childhood on; is it the understanding of paradox? I take risk and challenge. And it has always worked out...
Italy, Scotland, and ????: here I come.
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